Thursday, May 24, 2007

It's been a slooooow week.

In lieu of something new, I am re-posting a pair of interviews conducted by staffer Leroy Nemmy for his tri-annual "Showbiz Buzz" report. Sorry.

Recently, I was stunned by the appearance of a very curious apparition in my favorite holistic/voodoo pharmacy. My conversation is recorded below as:

An Interview with Elizabeth Taylor’s Ghost

ME; (My eyes are closed. I am focusing on the spirit world) “MMMMiiiiiiiizzzzzz Taaaaayyyylooooor, Caaaaan yoooouuu heeaaar meeee?”

ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST; “Um, yes.”

ME; “Miiiiiizzz Taaaayyyylooor, caaaaan yoooooouuu seeee meeeee?”

ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST; “Of course.”

ME; “Ms. Taylor, why are you haaaauuunting this place?”

ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST; “Excuse me?”

ME; “Ms. Taylor why do you remain on this plane of reality?”

ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST looks at me strangely. At this point, I feel that I should help this wayward spirit begin moving to the next level.

ME; “Ms. Taylor, it is time for you to continue your journey.”

ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST looking around; “Am I being ‘Punk’d?’”

ME; “It is time for you to walk into the light Ms. Taylor… your work in this world is finished. It is time for you to join those who have gone before you.”


There is an awkward silence. ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST begins to back away from me. I realize I must not mince words.

ME; “Ms. Taylor, you are dead.”

The very-much-alive Elizabeth Taylor slaps me in the left ear and summons security. I am later turned over to Beverly Hills PD.


and

Recently, while camping at Malibu Creek State Park I had a very strange encounter indeed.

An Interview with the Bigfoot

ME; “A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sasquatch…”

BIGFOOT; “It’s Sas-quich, dumbass!”

Bigfoot slaps me in the right ear with his massive hand/paw and storms away, leaving nothing but a ringing in my head and the odor of rotten eggs.


My apologies to Elizabeth Taylor and Bigfoot.

T


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