Another Match Game 76er goes to the great blank upstairs. Please feel free to assuage the anguish of your bereavement by adding a caption of your own to this cartoon in "comments."
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Goodbye
Charles Nelson Riley January 13, 1931 – May 25, 2007
Another Match Game 76er goes to the great blank upstairs. Please feel free to assuage the anguish of your bereavement by adding a caption of your own to this cartoon in "comments."
Another Match Game 76er goes to the great blank upstairs. Please feel free to assuage the anguish of your bereavement by adding a caption of your own to this cartoon in "comments."
Thursday, May 24, 2007
It's been a slooooow week.
In lieu of something new, I am re-posting a pair of interviews conducted by staffer Leroy Nemmy for his tri-annual "Showbiz Buzz" report. Sorry.
Recently, I was stunned by the appearance of a very curious apparition in my favorite holistic/voodoo pharmacy. My conversation is recorded below as:
An Interview with Elizabeth Taylor’s Ghost
There is an awkward silence. ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST begins to back away from me. I realize I must not mince words.
ME; “Ms. Taylor, you are dead.”
The very-much-alive Elizabeth Taylor slaps me in the left ear and summons security. I am later turned over to Beverly Hills PD.
and
Recently, while camping at Malibu Creek State Park I had a very strange encounter indeed.
An Interview with the Bigfoot
ME; “A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sasquatch…”
BIGFOOT; “It’s Sas-quich, dumbass!”
Bigfoot slaps me in the right ear with his massive hand/paw and storms away, leaving nothing but a ringing in my head and the odor of rotten eggs.
My apologies to Elizabeth Taylor and Bigfoot.
Recently, I was stunned by the appearance of a very curious apparition in my favorite holistic/voodoo pharmacy. My conversation is recorded below as:
An Interview with Elizabeth Taylor’s Ghost
ME; (My eyes are closed. I am focusing on the spirit world) “MMMMiiiiiiiizzzzzz Taaaaayyyylooooor, Caaaaan yoooouuu heeaaar meeee?”
ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST; “Um, yes.”
ME; “Miiiiiizzz Taaaayyyylooor, caaaaan yoooooouuu seeee meeeee?”
ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST; “Of course.”
ME; “Ms. Taylor, why are you haaaauuunting this place?”
ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST; “Excuse me?”
ME; “Ms. Taylor why do you remain on this plane of reality?”
ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST looks at me strangely. At this point, I feel that I should help this wayward spirit begin moving to the next level.
ME; “Ms. Taylor, it is time for you to continue your journey.”
ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST looking around; “Am I being ‘Punk’d?’”
ME; “It is time for you to walk into the light Ms. Taylor… your work in this world is finished. It is time for you to join those who have gone before you.”
There is an awkward silence. ELIZABETH TAYLOR’S GHOST begins to back away from me. I realize I must not mince words.
ME; “Ms. Taylor, you are dead.”
The very-much-alive Elizabeth Taylor slaps me in the left ear and summons security. I am later turned over to Beverly Hills PD.
and
Recently, while camping at Malibu Creek State Park I had a very strange encounter indeed.
An Interview with the Bigfoot
ME; “A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sasquatch…”
BIGFOOT; “It’s Sas-quich, dumbass!”
Bigfoot slaps me in the right ear with his massive hand/paw and storms away, leaving nothing but a ringing in my head and the odor of rotten eggs.
My apologies to Elizabeth Taylor and Bigfoot.
T
Monday, May 21, 2007
Sad?
Is it just me, or is this site PARTNERINGWITHPETLOVERS sort of like a book written in braille intended for the deaf?
(I took actually took the time to fill out the application. Here's mine.)
Name Marnee Lynn Murrah
Email address Let’s just see how this goes first…
City and state where you live Glendale, California
City and state where you work Glendale, California
Occupation Substitute Assistant Librarian Age 322 (46 in human years)
Level of education PHD in Children’s Lit.
Sexual orientation Some day, I hope!
What language(s) do you speak? Persian, Siamese, Angora, Tabby and Calico.
What is your first language? ESPP (Extra Sensory Pet Perception!)
Do you live in a house or an apartment? Mobile home on the railroad easement.
Do you live alone? No. If not, whom do you live with (parents, roommate, etc)? Ghost of Great Aunt Millie (She’s a stitch!)
How many pets do you have now? Oh, Gaaawd... that's sort of like trying to count grains of sand on the beach... I'll just say more than two...
What kind(s) of pets do you have, and what are their names? Many Kitti-zens live with me. They are: Mayor Nigel Nibblesbottom, Lady Lickmelove, Puurrrcival Pawpants, Sprayer McNaughtyboy, Scott, Cuddlekat I, Cuddlekat II, CuddlekatIII… um, maybe I should just attach a separate page…
What types of pets have you had in the past? My human family once had a foreign exchange student.
Have you ever been married or lived with a romantic partner? Is that supposed to be sarcastic?
Would you ever date someone who doesn't want pets? See above!
Would you ever live with or marry someone who doesn't want pets or who asked you to give up your pets? UHG!
Are you allergic to any types of animals? YES! If so, which ones? The ones on two legs that HUNT and watch Adam Sandler movies!!!
Are there certain animals you would not consider having as pets? If so, which ones? Dogs, flamingos.
Would you ever move to an apartment or house that didn't allow pets? I’d live in the sewer before I’d let that happen! (and actually, the sewer isn’t so bad – it kind of conceals the smell of the litter box.)
Do you have children? Don’t make me vomit! If so, how many? _______ If you don't have any children, do you want to have children someday? Yuck, pew, ack!
If you do have children, do you want to have more? ______
Would you ever consider relocating because of a job transfer or because of a relationship? I sort of like the idea of living in Redding. Don’t know why. I just always have.
Do you bring your pet(s) on trips? If not, what arrangements do you make for your pet(s) when you go away? I don’t travel, but perhaps I’ll take a trip or two some day when they start making bus seats for real people and not models! (and everyone would ride with me, in my lap, in my neighbors’ laps - wherever they damn well felt like riding!)
What is the most frivolous thing you ever bought for your pet? I once had a star named after each of my cat-panions… but, turns out it was just a scam… and oh, yeah, a lap dance.
Have you ever taken in strays off the street? I find the term “strays” HIGHLY insulting!!!
Have you ever rescued animals and brought them to a shelter? If by “shelter” you mean the under the eves of my loving bosom – then, yes!
Do you feed strays outside? Oh puh-lease! Dinner time is the one time we all get to sit down together... at the dining room table!
Do you insist on spaying or neutering your pets? Heavens no! I've implemented a comprehensive sexual education course that is far more humane.
Do you support the idea of de-clawing cats? How ‘bout we tear out your finger nails?!?! How would you like that?!?!?
Do you support the idea of keeping animals locked in cages – for example, keeping a dog caged at night or when company comes over? Company? Coming over? Don’t understand the question...
How much would you be willing to spend on your pet to save his/her life? What's the number greater than infinity? Take that number and multiply it by, like, a million and you're still nowhere near the amount!
How much medical intervention would you make available to your pet? For example, if your pet had cancer, would you tell the vet to administer chemotherapy and radiation, or would you have your pet put to sleep? I've actually donated a kidney once... not for transplant... they were just really hungry for fresh kidney...
Do you subscribe to any magazines or newsletters about animals? Does Readers Digest count? If so, which one(s)? I actually publish my own ‘Zine. It’s called Kool Katz and you can usually find it next to the rain sticks at the farmers market if Mothers Against Drunk Driving isn’t hogging all the curb space.
What's your pet peeve about the way some other people treat animals? Have you ever confronted someone about their abuse or neglect of an animal? Yes! If so, please briefly explain. There have been so, so many times… Who could count them all? The one that stands out most in my mind though, was the time I took LoverGirl and SpecialBlend to see “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." The little B*tch at the snack counter gave them such a dirty look… I could feel their little hearts breaking in their chests… Let me just say that it was probably a long time before that little slut took a dump that wasn’t the exact shape of my size twelve Birkenstock!
If you witness someone being cruel to an animal, would you:
A. Call the ASPCA or other animal rights organization?
B. Try to ignore it and avoid a confrontation?
C. Try to reason with that person and educate him/her about the proper treatment of a pet?
SEE ABOVE!!!
What do you consider to be the 3 most important qualities in a partner? (eg, sense of humor, kindness, generosity, etc) They have to “get” me. Is that too much to ask for Chrissake?!?!
What are 3 characteristics in a person that would make you not want to have a long-term relationship with him or her? Dishonesty, cruelty, leprosy.
What were some negative issues about relationships you've had in the past? I really resent it when people are reading my thoughts.
What are your favorite activities? Scrap-booking, lancing infected scratches.
What are your favorite foods? Tuna, Liver and Chicken
What are your favorite TV shows? California Gold, the Price is Right.
What kind of music do you like? Anything as long as it’s Brian Adams!
What are the 3 most recent movies you have seen? Georgia Rules, The Queen, Summer Rental
Do you like to read? Yes If so, do you prefer books, magazines, newspapers, or reading on the Internet? In the bathroom I prefer something absorbent, like newsprint. Anywhere else, I like magazines.
Do you drive? Not a car, but I do get around pretty well on my Rascal
Do you like to travel? If it’s not too humid.
Do you like your job? If by “like” you mean being over-whelmed by a sense of dread at the thought of continuing on one more second, then yes.
Which of these is your idea of an ideal date? (Circle one or more choices.)A. Dinner and a movie
B. Dinner and dancing
C. An outdoor activity such as going cycling or rafting
D. Bowling
E. Golfing
F. Going to a concert
G. Going to the beach or park for a picnic
H. Going to a bar or pub
I. Attending a cat or dog show
J. Other (please describe). Lying in the grass, making out shapes in the clouds, foot worship, spanking.
(I took actually took the time to fill out the application. Here's mine.)
Name Marnee Lynn Murrah
Email address Let’s just see how this goes first…
City and state where you live Glendale, California
City and state where you work Glendale, California
Occupation Substitute Assistant Librarian Age 322 (46 in human years)
Level of education PHD in Children’s Lit.
Sexual orientation Some day, I hope!
What language(s) do you speak? Persian, Siamese, Angora, Tabby and Calico.
What is your first language? ESPP (Extra Sensory Pet Perception!)
Do you live in a house or an apartment? Mobile home on the railroad easement.
Do you live alone? No. If not, whom do you live with (parents, roommate, etc)? Ghost of Great Aunt Millie (She’s a stitch!)
How many pets do you have now? Oh, Gaaawd... that's sort of like trying to count grains of sand on the beach... I'll just say more than two...
What kind(s) of pets do you have, and what are their names? Many Kitti-zens live with me. They are: Mayor Nigel Nibblesbottom, Lady Lickmelove, Puurrrcival Pawpants, Sprayer McNaughtyboy, Scott, Cuddlekat I, Cuddlekat II, CuddlekatIII… um, maybe I should just attach a separate page…
What types of pets have you had in the past? My human family once had a foreign exchange student.
Have you ever been married or lived with a romantic partner? Is that supposed to be sarcastic?
Would you ever date someone who doesn't want pets? See above!
Would you ever live with or marry someone who doesn't want pets or who asked you to give up your pets? UHG!
Are you allergic to any types of animals? YES! If so, which ones? The ones on two legs that HUNT and watch Adam Sandler movies!!!
Are there certain animals you would not consider having as pets? If so, which ones? Dogs, flamingos.
Would you ever move to an apartment or house that didn't allow pets? I’d live in the sewer before I’d let that happen! (and actually, the sewer isn’t so bad – it kind of conceals the smell of the litter box.)
Do you have children? Don’t make me vomit! If so, how many? _______ If you don't have any children, do you want to have children someday? Yuck, pew, ack!
If you do have children, do you want to have more? ______
Would you ever consider relocating because of a job transfer or because of a relationship? I sort of like the idea of living in Redding. Don’t know why. I just always have.
Do you bring your pet(s) on trips? If not, what arrangements do you make for your pet(s) when you go away? I don’t travel, but perhaps I’ll take a trip or two some day when they start making bus seats for real people and not models! (and everyone would ride with me, in my lap, in my neighbors’ laps - wherever they damn well felt like riding!)
What is the most frivolous thing you ever bought for your pet? I once had a star named after each of my cat-panions… but, turns out it was just a scam… and oh, yeah, a lap dance.
Have you ever taken in strays off the street? I find the term “strays” HIGHLY insulting!!!
Have you ever rescued animals and brought them to a shelter? If by “shelter” you mean the under the eves of my loving bosom – then, yes!
Do you feed strays outside? Oh puh-lease! Dinner time is the one time we all get to sit down together... at the dining room table!
Do you insist on spaying or neutering your pets? Heavens no! I've implemented a comprehensive sexual education course that is far more humane.
Do you support the idea of de-clawing cats? How ‘bout we tear out your finger nails?!?! How would you like that?!?!?
Do you support the idea of keeping animals locked in cages – for example, keeping a dog caged at night or when company comes over? Company? Coming over? Don’t understand the question...
How much would you be willing to spend on your pet to save his/her life? What's the number greater than infinity? Take that number and multiply it by, like, a million and you're still nowhere near the amount!
How much medical intervention would you make available to your pet? For example, if your pet had cancer, would you tell the vet to administer chemotherapy and radiation, or would you have your pet put to sleep? I've actually donated a kidney once... not for transplant... they were just really hungry for fresh kidney...
Do you subscribe to any magazines or newsletters about animals? Does Readers Digest count? If so, which one(s)? I actually publish my own ‘Zine. It’s called Kool Katz and you can usually find it next to the rain sticks at the farmers market if Mothers Against Drunk Driving isn’t hogging all the curb space.
What's your pet peeve about the way some other people treat animals? Have you ever confronted someone about their abuse or neglect of an animal? Yes! If so, please briefly explain. There have been so, so many times… Who could count them all? The one that stands out most in my mind though, was the time I took LoverGirl and SpecialBlend to see “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." The little B*tch at the snack counter gave them such a dirty look… I could feel their little hearts breaking in their chests… Let me just say that it was probably a long time before that little slut took a dump that wasn’t the exact shape of my size twelve Birkenstock!
If you witness someone being cruel to an animal, would you:
A. Call the ASPCA or other animal rights organization?
B. Try to ignore it and avoid a confrontation?
C. Try to reason with that person and educate him/her about the proper treatment of a pet?
SEE ABOVE!!!
What do you consider to be the 3 most important qualities in a partner? (eg, sense of humor, kindness, generosity, etc) They have to “get” me. Is that too much to ask for Chrissake?!?!
What are 3 characteristics in a person that would make you not want to have a long-term relationship with him or her? Dishonesty, cruelty, leprosy.
What were some negative issues about relationships you've had in the past? I really resent it when people are reading my thoughts.
What are your favorite activities? Scrap-booking, lancing infected scratches.
What are your favorite foods? Tuna, Liver and Chicken
What are your favorite TV shows? California Gold, the Price is Right.
What kind of music do you like? Anything as long as it’s Brian Adams!
What are the 3 most recent movies you have seen? Georgia Rules, The Queen, Summer Rental
Do you like to read? Yes If so, do you prefer books, magazines, newspapers, or reading on the Internet? In the bathroom I prefer something absorbent, like newsprint. Anywhere else, I like magazines.
Do you drive? Not a car, but I do get around pretty well on my Rascal
Do you like to travel? If it’s not too humid.
Do you like your job? If by “like” you mean being over-whelmed by a sense of dread at the thought of continuing on one more second, then yes.
Which of these is your idea of an ideal date? (Circle one or more choices.)A. Dinner and a movie
B. Dinner and dancing
C. An outdoor activity such as going cycling or rafting
D. Bowling
E. Golfing
F. Going to a concert
G. Going to the beach or park for a picnic
H. Going to a bar or pub
I. Attending a cat or dog show
J. Other (please describe). Lying in the grass, making out shapes in the clouds, foot worship, spanking.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Nothing Gold Can Stay
by T
I used to check out POST SECRET every week. The honesty of anonymity is always fascinating. It's success however, may have been it's undoing as notoriety has turned this once provocative forum into nothing more than a venue for public moping and self-pity. Too bad.
Here are a few cards I'd love to see posted there.
I used to check out POST SECRET every week. The honesty of anonymity is always fascinating. It's success however, may have been it's undoing as notoriety has turned this once provocative forum into nothing more than a venue for public moping and self-pity. Too bad.
Here are a few cards I'd love to see posted there.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
What is Humane?
I’ve noticed several articles posted on different blogs lately having to do with the ethical and/or moral questions surrounding the taking of another creature’s life. I’m curious as to the prevailing opinions of the readership and would be greatly interested your answers to the following:
1. When is it acceptable to kill a baby Harp seal for it’s pelt?
A. When it is within the legal hunting season.
B. When there is a surplus population.
C. When there is a great demand for fur.
D. When you are, like, totally out of toilet paper.
2. The spotted owl is best enjoyed:
A. In a controlled zoo environment.
B. In it’s native range and natural habitat.
C. In any ecosystem where it can survive.
D. Breaded and deep-fried.
3. Boiling alive is:
A. A cruel way to prepare a lobster.
B. A quick, painless way to prepare a lobster.
C. An inefficient way to prepare a lobster
D. An extremely inefficient way to prepare venison.
4. What is required in order to harvest the Bald Eagle in the United States?
A. A regular hunting permit.
B. Membership in recognized, Native American tribe.
C. A special authorization from the DFG.
D. A six-pack and a .22.
5. When hiking in the known habitat of the endangered Arroyo toad it is important to remember:
A. To tread lightly!
B. To watch your step!
C. To look before you leap!
D. Toss the damn thing after you light the firecracker in it’s butt!
6. It is inadvisable for people to feed wild animals because:
A. Animals may lose their natural fear of humans.
B. Animals may become dependant on human hand-outs.
C. Humans may develop unrealistic expectations of wildlife behavior.
D. Their carb-fattened a**es, will limit their chances to reproduce sexually.
7. When coyotes begin to feed on house pets it is important to:
A. Notify Fish and Game.
B. Place dog food out to prevent the coyotes from hunting.
C. Set traps.
D. Keep a camcorder handy because that has got to be, like, hilarious to see.
Please feel free to leave your answers in "Comments" or email to night.swimmers@hotmail.com. You're input is greatly valued.
1. When is it acceptable to kill a baby Harp seal for it’s pelt?
A. When it is within the legal hunting season.
B. When there is a surplus population.
C. When there is a great demand for fur.
D. When you are, like, totally out of toilet paper.
2. The spotted owl is best enjoyed:
A. In a controlled zoo environment.
B. In it’s native range and natural habitat.
C. In any ecosystem where it can survive.
D. Breaded and deep-fried.
3. Boiling alive is:
A. A cruel way to prepare a lobster.
B. A quick, painless way to prepare a lobster.
C. An inefficient way to prepare a lobster
D. An extremely inefficient way to prepare venison.
4. What is required in order to harvest the Bald Eagle in the United States?
A. A regular hunting permit.
B. Membership in recognized, Native American tribe.
C. A special authorization from the DFG.
D. A six-pack and a .22.
5. When hiking in the known habitat of the endangered Arroyo toad it is important to remember:
A. To tread lightly!
B. To watch your step!
C. To look before you leap!
D. Toss the damn thing after you light the firecracker in it’s butt!
6. It is inadvisable for people to feed wild animals because:
A. Animals may lose their natural fear of humans.
B. Animals may become dependant on human hand-outs.
C. Humans may develop unrealistic expectations of wildlife behavior.
D. Their carb-fattened a**es, will limit their chances to reproduce sexually.
7. When coyotes begin to feed on house pets it is important to:
A. Notify Fish and Game.
B. Place dog food out to prevent the coyotes from hunting.
C. Set traps.
D. Keep a camcorder handy because that has got to be, like, hilarious to see.
Please feel free to leave your answers in "Comments" or email to night.swimmers@hotmail.com. You're input is greatly valued.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Goodbye, Jerry
Please feel free to express your grief by providing captions for the above panel in "Comments."
Monday, May 14, 2007
Jesus is Coming Back and Man, is He Pissed!
by T
Velcro, Post-it notes, blotter-paper LSD... the simplest ideas are often the most lucrative.
Here is a site that is just brilliant. Post-rapture Post... (Why can't I ever think of these things?)
Velcro, Post-it notes, blotter-paper LSD... the simplest ideas are often the most lucrative.
Here is a site that is just brilliant. Post-rapture Post... (Why can't I ever think of these things?)
Friday, May 11, 2007
Family Matters
by Leroy Nemmy
I want to start adopting feral children. Now, I know many of you are saying to yourself “That Nemmy is a real horse’s rear! How can he adopt a feral child when there are so many American children in need of good homes?” The answer to that is simple; I have needs.
My most urgent need is to set myself apart. What would be more unique than a forty-three-year old bachelor raising a bouncing little foundling that scurries about on all fours and won't make eye contact? Sure, those big-shot celebrities can go around the world collecting brats from awful places like Africa, Vietnam, Sacramento, etc., but who among them can boast they have a kid that was nursed by wild dogs? Can Angelina or Brad say that their kid is able to hunt down and kill small reptiles and rodents with a swift bite to their neck vertebrae? Can Madonna’s precious little one detect if a female is in estrus by sniffing her? Now, that would be something to talk about!
Another void that a feral child would help me fill is a need for uncomplicated companionship. I’ve tried the whole dog, cat, goldfish thing and just found it too taxing. A kid that has been raised in the wilderness and taught to fend for itself would be a million times easier to deal with than a pet. For example; say you find yourself out of kid food. A trip to the store is going to take at least twenty minutes… but, if your pride-and-joy is used to foraging on his or her own, then the whole of outdoors is a buffet! You just open the back gate and turn them loose for dinner.
Lastly, adding a feral child to my household is far less committal than adopting one that is accustomed to a lot of human nurturing. If things don’t work out, if I find that fatherhood is cramping my style, then the problematic tyke could simply be released back into the wild, no harm done. In fact, I could probably even attach some sort of tracking device so that researchers could study it’s migration habits –a boon for science no doubt! Talk about win, win.
Anyhow, I’m really excited. I don’t know where to start, but I’m imaging I can probably find one for free in the Penny Saver or maybe the Recycler. The ad might go something like this; “Feral Children Need Homes: This week ‘Tango' a high-spirited red-headed male approximately ten years of age is looking for a new mommy and daddy. He is in the process of being house-broken and can understand some commands and most threatening gestures.” Perhaps a picture might be included too.
If you know of any leads, please get in touch via “comments” on this posting. Thanks. Leroy
I want to start adopting feral children. Now, I know many of you are saying to yourself “That Nemmy is a real horse’s rear! How can he adopt a feral child when there are so many American children in need of good homes?” The answer to that is simple; I have needs.
My most urgent need is to set myself apart. What would be more unique than a forty-three-year old bachelor raising a bouncing little foundling that scurries about on all fours and won't make eye contact? Sure, those big-shot celebrities can go around the world collecting brats from awful places like Africa, Vietnam, Sacramento, etc., but who among them can boast they have a kid that was nursed by wild dogs? Can Angelina or Brad say that their kid is able to hunt down and kill small reptiles and rodents with a swift bite to their neck vertebrae? Can Madonna’s precious little one detect if a female is in estrus by sniffing her? Now, that would be something to talk about!
Another void that a feral child would help me fill is a need for uncomplicated companionship. I’ve tried the whole dog, cat, goldfish thing and just found it too taxing. A kid that has been raised in the wilderness and taught to fend for itself would be a million times easier to deal with than a pet. For example; say you find yourself out of kid food. A trip to the store is going to take at least twenty minutes… but, if your pride-and-joy is used to foraging on his or her own, then the whole of outdoors is a buffet! You just open the back gate and turn them loose for dinner.
Lastly, adding a feral child to my household is far less committal than adopting one that is accustomed to a lot of human nurturing. If things don’t work out, if I find that fatherhood is cramping my style, then the problematic tyke could simply be released back into the wild, no harm done. In fact, I could probably even attach some sort of tracking device so that researchers could study it’s migration habits –a boon for science no doubt! Talk about win, win.
Anyhow, I’m really excited. I don’t know where to start, but I’m imaging I can probably find one for free in the Penny Saver or maybe the Recycler. The ad might go something like this; “Feral Children Need Homes: This week ‘Tango' a high-spirited red-headed male approximately ten years of age is looking for a new mommy and daddy. He is in the process of being house-broken and can understand some commands and most threatening gestures.” Perhaps a picture might be included too.
If you know of any leads, please get in touch via “comments” on this posting. Thanks. Leroy
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The Hamas-kateers Club
M-I-C... See you burn in Hell, Infidel! K-E-Y... Why? Because you are a pig-dog puppet of Zionists!!!
VIEW HEART-WARMING VIDEO
VIEW HEART-WARMING VIDEO
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Shining Pearls of Wisdom
by Kevin Stoddard
Recently I had the opportunity to visit the Wallace all Faiths Chapel at Chapman University in the city of Orange, California. TAKE VIRTUAL TOUR While there, I was struck by a fabulous blue glass installation. The piece itself was aesthetically pleasing, but what I found most moving were the words inscribed therein. The artist is Lita Albuquerque and some of the words - arguably the most profound of them - are hers.
The inspiration of this experience was overwhelming and compelled me to pay homage to Lita with my own continuation of her original beautiful meditation. I present it here beginning with the prose that sparked my muse so deeply...
I Am Convinced…
By Lita Albuquerque
“I am convinced that we are to know the language of the stars as a new vocabulary. As we study them they will speak to us as words now do and we will string them into new configurations, into new musicality.”
I Am Further Convinced…
By Kevin Stoddard
I am convinced that we are to know the language of the winds as a new vocabulary. The breezes shall then share their profound secrets as they caress our faces and knowingly tickle our chimes.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of Mother Ocean as a new vocabulary. As we study the currents we shall hear the voice of Neptune as he sings out his briny song, as he beckons us drink from his tide-pool of wisdom.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of the trees as a new vocabulary. As we study them, we will come to understand that they are ancient and that we can best appreciate there unfathomable age by cutting them down and counting their rings… and those rings will, in turn, speak to us in a new vocabulary and so on, and so on, and so on, and… you get the picture.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of rocks as a new vocabulary. But we must listen very closely, for as we all know, rocks tend to be very quiet… and it will be hard to hear them over all those trees complaining about being cut in half.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of dogs as a new vocabulary. And as the canines before us, we will explore the world not just with our eyes, but also with our olfactory organs. And we shall honor the creatures that have passed before us by rolling in their pungent carcasses.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of dolphins as a new vocabulary. Not just as an exchange of clicks and whistles, but as a real connection on a personal level. Like – “What troubles you, Oh Sleek One?” And the dolphin would say – “You still allow professional sports teams to use us as mascots.” Or perhaps - “I just don’t’ get all the bad vibes about having sex with the filter intake. I mean, it’s there… right?”
I am convinced that we are to know the language of robots as a new vocabulary. I know, I know – we haven’t even perfected robot technology yet – but humans are already able to dance like robots, so… why not? Why not, indeed?
I am convinced that we are to know the language of foreigners as a new vocabulary. I envision books written on this topic, and perhaps classes taught in our public schools. We must dare to dream big.
Recently I had the opportunity to visit the Wallace all Faiths Chapel at Chapman University in the city of Orange, California. TAKE VIRTUAL TOUR While there, I was struck by a fabulous blue glass installation. The piece itself was aesthetically pleasing, but what I found most moving were the words inscribed therein. The artist is Lita Albuquerque and some of the words - arguably the most profound of them - are hers.
The inspiration of this experience was overwhelming and compelled me to pay homage to Lita with my own continuation of her original beautiful meditation. I present it here beginning with the prose that sparked my muse so deeply...
I Am Convinced…
By Lita Albuquerque
“I am convinced that we are to know the language of the stars as a new vocabulary. As we study them they will speak to us as words now do and we will string them into new configurations, into new musicality.”
I Am Further Convinced…
By Kevin Stoddard
I am convinced that we are to know the language of the winds as a new vocabulary. The breezes shall then share their profound secrets as they caress our faces and knowingly tickle our chimes.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of Mother Ocean as a new vocabulary. As we study the currents we shall hear the voice of Neptune as he sings out his briny song, as he beckons us drink from his tide-pool of wisdom.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of the trees as a new vocabulary. As we study them, we will come to understand that they are ancient and that we can best appreciate there unfathomable age by cutting them down and counting their rings… and those rings will, in turn, speak to us in a new vocabulary and so on, and so on, and so on, and… you get the picture.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of rocks as a new vocabulary. But we must listen very closely, for as we all know, rocks tend to be very quiet… and it will be hard to hear them over all those trees complaining about being cut in half.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of dogs as a new vocabulary. And as the canines before us, we will explore the world not just with our eyes, but also with our olfactory organs. And we shall honor the creatures that have passed before us by rolling in their pungent carcasses.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of dolphins as a new vocabulary. Not just as an exchange of clicks and whistles, but as a real connection on a personal level. Like – “What troubles you, Oh Sleek One?” And the dolphin would say – “You still allow professional sports teams to use us as mascots.” Or perhaps - “I just don’t’ get all the bad vibes about having sex with the filter intake. I mean, it’s there… right?”
I am convinced that we are to know the language of robots as a new vocabulary. I know, I know – we haven’t even perfected robot technology yet – but humans are already able to dance like robots, so… why not? Why not, indeed?
I am convinced that we are to know the language of foreigners as a new vocabulary. I envision books written on this topic, and perhaps classes taught in our public schools. We must dare to dream big.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
It's about Time
by Shamnarun Toldukar
In a move that will undoubtedly raise moral among your company's help desk staff, Archie Entertainment has announced plans to offer it's products in India.
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It is not yet clear what sort of dowries Betty or Veronica will command.
A Ringing Endorsement
“Cellophane66? I just can’t understandify what that blog's about.” George W. Bush
Monday, May 7, 2007
Right-mined Reading
by Sally Tolouse
Listed below is a selection of books we, Responsible Readers for a Stronger America endorse. I realize that this format - computer, cyber-space, world-wide-web, internet, "modern" technology, etc. - has not traditionally been welcoming of my generation's mind-set, but I submit them here in the hope that you will read with an open mind. Thank you.
Responsible Readers’ recommended books for ages 1-8
“Because I’m Bigger”
Lessons on authority recognition
“That Silly Sissy”
Lessons on celebrating diversity
“I am a Bum”
Positive re-enforcement strategies
“What Makes Daddy Cry?”
Lessons on financial and career choices
“Give your Seat to a Lutheran”
Recognizing societal norms
“Scissors are Silent”
Creative conflict resolution for your preschooler
“Mommy’s out of Medicine”
Lessons on respecting boundaries
“Shame Makes the Trees Grow”
Lessons on achievement
“Is that Kid Asian?”
Lessons on how culture and sports affect friendships
“A Slap so Loud that Jesus Can Hear It!”
Lessons on actions and consequences
Listed below is a selection of books we, Responsible Readers for a Stronger America endorse. I realize that this format - computer, cyber-space, world-wide-web, internet, "modern" technology, etc. - has not traditionally been welcoming of my generation's mind-set, but I submit them here in the hope that you will read with an open mind. Thank you.
Responsible Readers’ recommended books for ages 1-8
“Because I’m Bigger”
Lessons on authority recognition
“That Silly Sissy”
Lessons on celebrating diversity
“I am a Bum”
Positive re-enforcement strategies
“What Makes Daddy Cry?”
Lessons on financial and career choices
“Give your Seat to a Lutheran”
Recognizing societal norms
“Scissors are Silent”
Creative conflict resolution for your preschooler
“Mommy’s out of Medicine”
Lessons on respecting boundaries
“Shame Makes the Trees Grow”
Lessons on achievement
“Is that Kid Asian?”
Lessons on how culture and sports affect friendships
“A Slap so Loud that Jesus Can Hear It!”
Lessons on actions and consequences
A Most Curious Case...
by Glenn Harkness
Okay, I would like to take this oportunity to come clean. I have certain… abilities. “Gifts” some people call them. I don’t talk much about this and I’m hoping you can all listen with an open mind.
When I was a boy I discovered that I am somehow able to view the past, present and the future. "ESP" is often used to label what I am describing, but I prefer to call it “Elusive Sensory Perspective.” Rather than seeing the future, it is like I am remembering it.
But here is the spooky part. What I am able to divine is limited, like only being able to view a certain range of the light spectrum. My gift is – and this is so hard - please do not think me crazy – my gift is… the ability to predict what I’m going to have for lunch. There, I said it. (And I’m not ashamed!)
This is what I'm talking about; let’s say that I’m out fly casting on my favorite stream. Maybe I’ve been out all morning and I’m very hungry. Suddenly, I am overwhelmed with a sense of “carne asada.” I don’t know where this comes from – it just does!!! And before I know it I am at Don Cuco’s or maybe that little Best Taco stand by the carwash. Scary, no?
Anyhow, I’m glad I got that off my chest - thank you Night Swim. And please don’t approach me to exploit this ability for worldly gain. I must use this power only for good.
Okay, I would like to take this oportunity to come clean. I have certain… abilities. “Gifts” some people call them. I don’t talk much about this and I’m hoping you can all listen with an open mind.
When I was a boy I discovered that I am somehow able to view the past, present and the future. "ESP" is often used to label what I am describing, but I prefer to call it “Elusive Sensory Perspective.” Rather than seeing the future, it is like I am remembering it.
But here is the spooky part. What I am able to divine is limited, like only being able to view a certain range of the light spectrum. My gift is – and this is so hard - please do not think me crazy – my gift is… the ability to predict what I’m going to have for lunch. There, I said it. (And I’m not ashamed!)
This is what I'm talking about; let’s say that I’m out fly casting on my favorite stream. Maybe I’ve been out all morning and I’m very hungry. Suddenly, I am overwhelmed with a sense of “carne asada.” I don’t know where this comes from – it just does!!! And before I know it I am at Don Cuco’s or maybe that little Best Taco stand by the carwash. Scary, no?
Anyhow, I’m glad I got that off my chest - thank you Night Swim. And please don’t approach me to exploit this ability for worldly gain. I must use this power only for good.
The War Next Door To Heaven
by Nathan Peet
Yesterday marked my thirty-eighth year. Reflecting upon the fact that in all likelihood I have passed more than half of the years which the Good Lord has allotted me in this life I could not help but conclude that I had done but little to advance the interests of Mankind. I felt sorely the want of those hours squandered in idleness or selfish pursuits and resolved in the future to live for others as I have here-to-fore lived for myself.
So, for the benefit of us all, I have endeavored to cast what light I can upon the great struggle in which our nation is presently engaged. To allow a better understanding of how our society has become locked in this savage dance I put myself on assignment and went to the front lines where this battle - the Battle to Decide what to do with all this Darn Disposable Income - is being waged. The photos below document what I found in that heart of darkness.
I hope this has provoked some thought and perhaps a few discussions. Thank you for letting me be of service.
Yesterday marked my thirty-eighth year. Reflecting upon the fact that in all likelihood I have passed more than half of the years which the Good Lord has allotted me in this life I could not help but conclude that I had done but little to advance the interests of Mankind. I felt sorely the want of those hours squandered in idleness or selfish pursuits and resolved in the future to live for others as I have here-to-fore lived for myself.
So, for the benefit of us all, I have endeavored to cast what light I can upon the great struggle in which our nation is presently engaged. To allow a better understanding of how our society has become locked in this savage dance I put myself on assignment and went to the front lines where this battle - the Battle to Decide what to do with all this Darn Disposable Income - is being waged. The photos below document what I found in that heart of darkness.
I hope this has provoked some thought and perhaps a few discussions. Thank you for letting me be of service.
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