by Eric Swallom
Is it just me or is it about time for the Democrats to put down the crack pipe and begin thinking seriously about a candidate who can be elected president? I am not a Democrat, but the enemy of my enemy is my friend and it is therefore troubling to see the straight-faced-ness with which a Clinton/Obama ticket is being discussed.
Admitedly, it is a nice fantasy: That we live in a society in which the racist, bigot/chauvinist pig vote doesn't count for much - but it is fantasy none-the-less. If the Democrats were to wrap a volleyball in a grey suit and paint on a mustache it's chances would be no worse than Mr. Obama's and Ms. Clinton's. The nomination of these two - regardless of their fitness or lack of fitness for the office - would be as great an achievement in intellect and foresight as our present misadventure in Iraq.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Has Michael Vick Ruined it for the Rest of Us?
by Bud Shroeder
Ask anyone who knows me; "What does Bud Shroeder stand for?" and the first thing out of their mouth will be "Persian cats!" I love the darn things.
That's why this whole drama surrounding Michael Vick has me so worried. If I know the Powers-that-Be, it won't be long until guys like me are feeling the heat too! Clearly, the last day of tolerance for the noble Persian/Angora Fighting Cat will soon be nigh and what a sad day it will be. No more will the match pits and rec-rooms of our nation echo in the glorious cacauphany of sport. Forever gone will be the pomp and pagentry of these contests, the glitter and sequins of hand-sewn, four-legged costumes will be but a memory fading like a photograph left on a sun-lit window sil and forgotten.
God speed Annual Labor Day Last Cat Standing Trounament Winner, Puurr-ple Reign.
Farewell South-Western Regional Champion, Snowballsy.
Good-bye Grand Champion, Mittens of Death.
I will miss you all and the good times we've had.
Ask anyone who knows me; "What does Bud Shroeder stand for?" and the first thing out of their mouth will be "Persian cats!" I love the darn things.
That's why this whole drama surrounding Michael Vick has me so worried. If I know the Powers-that-Be, it won't be long until guys like me are feeling the heat too! Clearly, the last day of tolerance for the noble Persian/Angora Fighting Cat will soon be nigh and what a sad day it will be. No more will the match pits and rec-rooms of our nation echo in the glorious cacauphany of sport. Forever gone will be the pomp and pagentry of these contests, the glitter and sequins of hand-sewn, four-legged costumes will be but a memory fading like a photograph left on a sun-lit window sil and forgotten.
God speed Annual Labor Day Last Cat Standing Trounament Winner, Puurr-ple Reign.
Farewell South-Western Regional Champion, Snowballsy.
Good-bye Grand Champion, Mittens of Death.
I will miss you all and the good times we've had.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Your Visitors
by Wendy Gillam
Over the weekend, through intensive hypnotic memory regression therapy, I was able to cobble together the following pictures and descriptions of the "Alien" beings presently in contact with me and countless other Earthlings. It is my great hope that this humble effort will help to hasten the arrival of Szhanockleplind or, "The Great Awakening."
May peace be upon your Shflaznoot.
(Also, if you wish to attempt recovering your own encounter memories, please contact The Southern California Hypno-Psychic Network, in the yellow van in the parking lot of Hazletine Park, Van Nuys - they also serve a delicious mushroom tea!)
Over the weekend, through intensive hypnotic memory regression therapy, I was able to cobble together the following pictures and descriptions of the "Alien" beings presently in contact with me and countless other Earthlings. It is my great hope that this humble effort will help to hasten the arrival of Szhanockleplind or, "The Great Awakening."
May peace be upon your Shflaznoot.
(Also, if you wish to attempt recovering your own encounter memories, please contact The Southern California Hypno-Psychic Network, in the yellow van in the parking lot of Hazletine Park, Van Nuys - they also serve a delicious mushroom tea!)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Wanted: Your UFO Abduction Experiences
by Wendy Gillam
I am conducting a study in the hopes of understanding the scope of alien human interaction here on Earth. It is my belief that our species is the subject of what amounts to an inter-galactic focus group. I seek to pin down the target demographic in an effort to estimate the number of individuals involved and define the intentions of our “visitors.”
You assistance in this endeavor would be greatly appreciated. My chief concern is to recognize any patterns in abduction experiences such as; location, time of day, nature of interaction, physical characteristics of abductors and any other specifics which might help to define the experiences as a whole.
Please be as detailed as possible. I know that some memories may seem too painful to recount, but each experience is of profound importance to our understanding of this phenomenon.
As an example, I offer my earliest recollection of the abduction experience:
My first memory dates back to my forth or fifth year. Though hazy, I can still recall certain details vividly. I distinctly remember being awakened very early in the morning. It had just begun to lighten, but it was still too dark to make out anything other than shapes. At the foot of my bed stood a tall figure who I could feel was trying to get my attention. I remember being very drowsy. I felt hands on my body, removing my clothing and then placing some sort of warm clothing on me. I must have lost consciousness at that point because the next thing I recollect is the feeling of speed, of moving very fast. I can remember looking out of some sort of window and seeing our driveway slip past. Then I saw our street going by, suddenly we were on the interstate, then blackness.
My next memory is of very bright lights. I seemed to be surrounded by beings. There was a feeling of chaos in the air, but it was an organized chaos. Was carried down a long corridor and then all went black again.
I awoke in a very small, confined area. Oddly, this area had an aroma of coffee and cigarette smoke. My mouth was dry and had a peculiar taste I can only describe as that of honey roasted peanuts. What stands out most starkly is the impression of being very, very high in the air. I was shown a view of the earth from what must have been thousands of feet above. I remember being probed in both ears – it seemed the aliens tried to distract me during this procedure by playing what sounded like contemporary pop or jazz. I remember very tall creatures which all seemed to be wearing some kind of uniform looming over me. One of them tried to put some kind of metallic tracking device on my clothing. This devise was about two or three inches wide and resembled a bird or maybe a pair of wings. I began crying out. I don’t believe they succeeding in attaching the homing device at that time. After a time I was put back under anesthesia and began to calm, eventually losing consciousness again.
It is interesting to note that at the end of my abduction experience, the aliens somehow allowed me to communicate with the spirits of my grandparents – which is strange because they wouldn’t pass away for another twenty-some-odd years. Never-the-less, there they were at the end of another long corridor, almost as if real, hugging me, pinching my cheeks, etc. I don’t recall much else after that point – I was, after-all, only four or five – but I definitely can’t forget my encounter, the beginning of my on-going odyssey.
Like many of you, I still struggle to make sense of what has happened to me. Some days the weight of it all is enough to crush me. The question “Why me?” is never far from my lips. Please help me in piecing together this great mystery.
Thanks in advance,
W.G.
I am conducting a study in the hopes of understanding the scope of alien human interaction here on Earth. It is my belief that our species is the subject of what amounts to an inter-galactic focus group. I seek to pin down the target demographic in an effort to estimate the number of individuals involved and define the intentions of our “visitors.”
You assistance in this endeavor would be greatly appreciated. My chief concern is to recognize any patterns in abduction experiences such as; location, time of day, nature of interaction, physical characteristics of abductors and any other specifics which might help to define the experiences as a whole.
Please be as detailed as possible. I know that some memories may seem too painful to recount, but each experience is of profound importance to our understanding of this phenomenon.
As an example, I offer my earliest recollection of the abduction experience:
My first memory dates back to my forth or fifth year. Though hazy, I can still recall certain details vividly. I distinctly remember being awakened very early in the morning. It had just begun to lighten, but it was still too dark to make out anything other than shapes. At the foot of my bed stood a tall figure who I could feel was trying to get my attention. I remember being very drowsy. I felt hands on my body, removing my clothing and then placing some sort of warm clothing on me. I must have lost consciousness at that point because the next thing I recollect is the feeling of speed, of moving very fast. I can remember looking out of some sort of window and seeing our driveway slip past. Then I saw our street going by, suddenly we were on the interstate, then blackness.
My next memory is of very bright lights. I seemed to be surrounded by beings. There was a feeling of chaos in the air, but it was an organized chaos. Was carried down a long corridor and then all went black again.
I awoke in a very small, confined area. Oddly, this area had an aroma of coffee and cigarette smoke. My mouth was dry and had a peculiar taste I can only describe as that of honey roasted peanuts. What stands out most starkly is the impression of being very, very high in the air. I was shown a view of the earth from what must have been thousands of feet above. I remember being probed in both ears – it seemed the aliens tried to distract me during this procedure by playing what sounded like contemporary pop or jazz. I remember very tall creatures which all seemed to be wearing some kind of uniform looming over me. One of them tried to put some kind of metallic tracking device on my clothing. This devise was about two or three inches wide and resembled a bird or maybe a pair of wings. I began crying out. I don’t believe they succeeding in attaching the homing device at that time. After a time I was put back under anesthesia and began to calm, eventually losing consciousness again.
It is interesting to note that at the end of my abduction experience, the aliens somehow allowed me to communicate with the spirits of my grandparents – which is strange because they wouldn’t pass away for another twenty-some-odd years. Never-the-less, there they were at the end of another long corridor, almost as if real, hugging me, pinching my cheeks, etc. I don’t recall much else after that point – I was, after-all, only four or five – but I definitely can’t forget my encounter, the beginning of my on-going odyssey.
Like many of you, I still struggle to make sense of what has happened to me. Some days the weight of it all is enough to crush me. The question “Why me?” is never far from my lips. Please help me in piecing together this great mystery.
Thanks in advance,
W.G.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
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