by Leroy Nemmy
I want to start adopting feral children. Now, I know many of you are saying to yourself “That Nemmy is a real horse’s rear! How can he adopt a feral child when there are so many American children in need of good homes?” The answer to that is simple; I have needs.
My most urgent need is to set myself apart. What would be more unique than a forty-three-year old bachelor raising a bouncing little foundling that scurries about on all fours and won't make eye contact? Sure, those big-shot celebrities can go around the world collecting brats from awful places like Africa, Vietnam, Sacramento, etc., but who among them can boast they have a kid that was nursed by wild dogs? Can Angelina or Brad say that their kid is able to hunt down and kill small reptiles and rodents with a swift bite to their neck vertebrae? Can Madonna’s precious little one detect if a female is in estrus by sniffing her? Now, that would be something to talk about!
Another void that a feral child would help me fill is a need for uncomplicated companionship. I’ve tried the whole dog, cat, goldfish thing and just found it too taxing. A kid that has been raised in the wilderness and taught to fend for itself would be a million times easier to deal with than a pet. For example; say you find yourself out of kid food. A trip to the store is going to take at least twenty minutes… but, if your pride-and-joy is used to foraging on his or her own, then the whole of outdoors is a buffet! You just open the back gate and turn them loose for dinner.
Lastly, adding a feral child to my household is far less committal than adopting one that is accustomed to a lot of human nurturing. If things don’t work out, if I find that fatherhood is cramping my style, then the problematic tyke could simply be released back into the wild, no harm done. In fact, I could probably even attach some sort of tracking device so that researchers could study it’s migration habits –a boon for science no doubt! Talk about win, win.
Anyhow, I’m really excited. I don’t know where to start, but I’m imaging I can probably find one for free in the Penny Saver or maybe the Recycler. The ad might go something like this; “Feral Children Need Homes: This week ‘Tango' a high-spirited red-headed male approximately ten years of age is looking for a new mommy and daddy. He is in the process of being house-broken and can understand some commands and most threatening gestures.” Perhaps a picture might be included too.
If you know of any leads, please get in touch via “comments” on this posting. Thanks. Leroy
Friday, May 11, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The Hamas-kateers Club
M-I-C... See you burn in Hell, Infidel! K-E-Y... Why? Because you are a pig-dog puppet of Zionists!!!
VIEW HEART-WARMING VIDEO
VIEW HEART-WARMING VIDEO
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Shining Pearls of Wisdom
by Kevin Stoddard
Recently I had the opportunity to visit the Wallace all Faiths Chapel at Chapman University in the city of Orange, California. TAKE VIRTUAL TOUR While there, I was struck by a fabulous blue glass installation. The piece itself was aesthetically pleasing, but what I found most moving were the words inscribed therein. The artist is Lita Albuquerque and some of the words - arguably the most profound of them - are hers.
The inspiration of this experience was overwhelming and compelled me to pay homage to Lita with my own continuation of her original beautiful meditation. I present it here beginning with the prose that sparked my muse so deeply...
I Am Convinced…
By Lita Albuquerque
“I am convinced that we are to know the language of the stars as a new vocabulary. As we study them they will speak to us as words now do and we will string them into new configurations, into new musicality.”
I Am Further Convinced…
By Kevin Stoddard
I am convinced that we are to know the language of the winds as a new vocabulary. The breezes shall then share their profound secrets as they caress our faces and knowingly tickle our chimes.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of Mother Ocean as a new vocabulary. As we study the currents we shall hear the voice of Neptune as he sings out his briny song, as he beckons us drink from his tide-pool of wisdom.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of the trees as a new vocabulary. As we study them, we will come to understand that they are ancient and that we can best appreciate there unfathomable age by cutting them down and counting their rings… and those rings will, in turn, speak to us in a new vocabulary and so on, and so on, and so on, and… you get the picture.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of rocks as a new vocabulary. But we must listen very closely, for as we all know, rocks tend to be very quiet… and it will be hard to hear them over all those trees complaining about being cut in half.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of dogs as a new vocabulary. And as the canines before us, we will explore the world not just with our eyes, but also with our olfactory organs. And we shall honor the creatures that have passed before us by rolling in their pungent carcasses.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of dolphins as a new vocabulary. Not just as an exchange of clicks and whistles, but as a real connection on a personal level. Like – “What troubles you, Oh Sleek One?” And the dolphin would say – “You still allow professional sports teams to use us as mascots.” Or perhaps - “I just don’t’ get all the bad vibes about having sex with the filter intake. I mean, it’s there… right?”
I am convinced that we are to know the language of robots as a new vocabulary. I know, I know – we haven’t even perfected robot technology yet – but humans are already able to dance like robots, so… why not? Why not, indeed?
I am convinced that we are to know the language of foreigners as a new vocabulary. I envision books written on this topic, and perhaps classes taught in our public schools. We must dare to dream big.
Recently I had the opportunity to visit the Wallace all Faiths Chapel at Chapman University in the city of Orange, California. TAKE VIRTUAL TOUR While there, I was struck by a fabulous blue glass installation. The piece itself was aesthetically pleasing, but what I found most moving were the words inscribed therein. The artist is Lita Albuquerque and some of the words - arguably the most profound of them - are hers.
The inspiration of this experience was overwhelming and compelled me to pay homage to Lita with my own continuation of her original beautiful meditation. I present it here beginning with the prose that sparked my muse so deeply...
I Am Convinced…
By Lita Albuquerque
“I am convinced that we are to know the language of the stars as a new vocabulary. As we study them they will speak to us as words now do and we will string them into new configurations, into new musicality.”
I Am Further Convinced…
By Kevin Stoddard
I am convinced that we are to know the language of the winds as a new vocabulary. The breezes shall then share their profound secrets as they caress our faces and knowingly tickle our chimes.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of Mother Ocean as a new vocabulary. As we study the currents we shall hear the voice of Neptune as he sings out his briny song, as he beckons us drink from his tide-pool of wisdom.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of the trees as a new vocabulary. As we study them, we will come to understand that they are ancient and that we can best appreciate there unfathomable age by cutting them down and counting their rings… and those rings will, in turn, speak to us in a new vocabulary and so on, and so on, and so on, and… you get the picture.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of rocks as a new vocabulary. But we must listen very closely, for as we all know, rocks tend to be very quiet… and it will be hard to hear them over all those trees complaining about being cut in half.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of dogs as a new vocabulary. And as the canines before us, we will explore the world not just with our eyes, but also with our olfactory organs. And we shall honor the creatures that have passed before us by rolling in their pungent carcasses.
I am convinced that we are to know the language of dolphins as a new vocabulary. Not just as an exchange of clicks and whistles, but as a real connection on a personal level. Like – “What troubles you, Oh Sleek One?” And the dolphin would say – “You still allow professional sports teams to use us as mascots.” Or perhaps - “I just don’t’ get all the bad vibes about having sex with the filter intake. I mean, it’s there… right?”
I am convinced that we are to know the language of robots as a new vocabulary. I know, I know – we haven’t even perfected robot technology yet – but humans are already able to dance like robots, so… why not? Why not, indeed?
I am convinced that we are to know the language of foreigners as a new vocabulary. I envision books written on this topic, and perhaps classes taught in our public schools. We must dare to dream big.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
It's about Time
by Shamnarun Toldukar
In a move that will undoubtedly raise moral among your company's help desk staff, Archie Entertainment has announced plans to offer it's products in India.
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It is not yet clear what sort of dowries Betty or Veronica will command.
A Ringing Endorsement
“Cellophane66? I just can’t understandify what that blog's about.” George W. Bush
Monday, May 7, 2007
Right-mined Reading
by Sally Tolouse
Listed below is a selection of books we, Responsible Readers for a Stronger America endorse. I realize that this format - computer, cyber-space, world-wide-web, internet, "modern" technology, etc. - has not traditionally been welcoming of my generation's mind-set, but I submit them here in the hope that you will read with an open mind. Thank you.
Responsible Readers’ recommended books for ages 1-8
“Because I’m Bigger”
Lessons on authority recognition
“That Silly Sissy”
Lessons on celebrating diversity
“I am a Bum”
Positive re-enforcement strategies
“What Makes Daddy Cry?”
Lessons on financial and career choices
“Give your Seat to a Lutheran”
Recognizing societal norms
“Scissors are Silent”
Creative conflict resolution for your preschooler
“Mommy’s out of Medicine”
Lessons on respecting boundaries
“Shame Makes the Trees Grow”
Lessons on achievement
“Is that Kid Asian?”
Lessons on how culture and sports affect friendships
“A Slap so Loud that Jesus Can Hear It!”
Lessons on actions and consequences
Listed below is a selection of books we, Responsible Readers for a Stronger America endorse. I realize that this format - computer, cyber-space, world-wide-web, internet, "modern" technology, etc. - has not traditionally been welcoming of my generation's mind-set, but I submit them here in the hope that you will read with an open mind. Thank you.
Responsible Readers’ recommended books for ages 1-8
“Because I’m Bigger”
Lessons on authority recognition
“That Silly Sissy”
Lessons on celebrating diversity
“I am a Bum”
Positive re-enforcement strategies
“What Makes Daddy Cry?”
Lessons on financial and career choices
“Give your Seat to a Lutheran”
Recognizing societal norms
“Scissors are Silent”
Creative conflict resolution for your preschooler
“Mommy’s out of Medicine”
Lessons on respecting boundaries
“Shame Makes the Trees Grow”
Lessons on achievement
“Is that Kid Asian?”
Lessons on how culture and sports affect friendships
“A Slap so Loud that Jesus Can Hear It!”
Lessons on actions and consequences
A Most Curious Case...
by Glenn Harkness
Okay, I would like to take this oportunity to come clean. I have certain… abilities. “Gifts” some people call them. I don’t talk much about this and I’m hoping you can all listen with an open mind.
When I was a boy I discovered that I am somehow able to view the past, present and the future. "ESP" is often used to label what I am describing, but I prefer to call it “Elusive Sensory Perspective.” Rather than seeing the future, it is like I am remembering it.
But here is the spooky part. What I am able to divine is limited, like only being able to view a certain range of the light spectrum. My gift is – and this is so hard - please do not think me crazy – my gift is… the ability to predict what I’m going to have for lunch. There, I said it. (And I’m not ashamed!)
This is what I'm talking about; let’s say that I’m out fly casting on my favorite stream. Maybe I’ve been out all morning and I’m very hungry. Suddenly, I am overwhelmed with a sense of “carne asada.” I don’t know where this comes from – it just does!!! And before I know it I am at Don Cuco’s or maybe that little Best Taco stand by the carwash. Scary, no?
Anyhow, I’m glad I got that off my chest - thank you Night Swim. And please don’t approach me to exploit this ability for worldly gain. I must use this power only for good.
Okay, I would like to take this oportunity to come clean. I have certain… abilities. “Gifts” some people call them. I don’t talk much about this and I’m hoping you can all listen with an open mind.
When I was a boy I discovered that I am somehow able to view the past, present and the future. "ESP" is often used to label what I am describing, but I prefer to call it “Elusive Sensory Perspective.” Rather than seeing the future, it is like I am remembering it.
But here is the spooky part. What I am able to divine is limited, like only being able to view a certain range of the light spectrum. My gift is – and this is so hard - please do not think me crazy – my gift is… the ability to predict what I’m going to have for lunch. There, I said it. (And I’m not ashamed!)
This is what I'm talking about; let’s say that I’m out fly casting on my favorite stream. Maybe I’ve been out all morning and I’m very hungry. Suddenly, I am overwhelmed with a sense of “carne asada.” I don’t know where this comes from – it just does!!! And before I know it I am at Don Cuco’s or maybe that little Best Taco stand by the carwash. Scary, no?
Anyhow, I’m glad I got that off my chest - thank you Night Swim. And please don’t approach me to exploit this ability for worldly gain. I must use this power only for good.
The War Next Door To Heaven
by Nathan Peet
Yesterday marked my thirty-eighth year. Reflecting upon the fact that in all likelihood I have passed more than half of the years which the Good Lord has allotted me in this life I could not help but conclude that I had done but little to advance the interests of Mankind. I felt sorely the want of those hours squandered in idleness or selfish pursuits and resolved in the future to live for others as I have here-to-fore lived for myself.
So, for the benefit of us all, I have endeavored to cast what light I can upon the great struggle in which our nation is presently engaged. To allow a better understanding of how our society has become locked in this savage dance I put myself on assignment and went to the front lines where this battle - the Battle to Decide what to do with all this Darn Disposable Income - is being waged. The photos below document what I found in that heart of darkness.
I hope this has provoked some thought and perhaps a few discussions. Thank you for letting me be of service.
Yesterday marked my thirty-eighth year. Reflecting upon the fact that in all likelihood I have passed more than half of the years which the Good Lord has allotted me in this life I could not help but conclude that I had done but little to advance the interests of Mankind. I felt sorely the want of those hours squandered in idleness or selfish pursuits and resolved in the future to live for others as I have here-to-fore lived for myself.
So, for the benefit of us all, I have endeavored to cast what light I can upon the great struggle in which our nation is presently engaged. To allow a better understanding of how our society has become locked in this savage dance I put myself on assignment and went to the front lines where this battle - the Battle to Decide what to do with all this Darn Disposable Income - is being waged. The photos below document what I found in that heart of darkness.
I hope this has provoked some thought and perhaps a few discussions. Thank you for letting me be of service.
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